The Bullshit Stalker

Is Being Female A Handicap?

By admin on Jun. 30, 2008.

I was driving through the southeast this last week and I came across this bullshit:

If you’ll notice the sign I circled, beside the handicapped parking, they had spots particularly for women.  Here it is closer:

Now, I’m all for treating a lady like a lady.  But when did being a lady become a handicap?  Not the pregnant ones (that I can understand), but just being a lady in general?  Bullshit!

Summer Reading List

By admin on Jun. 29, 2008.

No discipline would be complete without a bit of studying. For your benefit and enjoyment, I’ve created a short reading list:

Gawker - Calling Bullshit - 5 Bullshit Stories The Whole Internet Fell For

Gawker - Amazonian Tribespeople

Taking Bullshit Seriously - Discussion Document for Georgetown Law Student

BuzzMaching - In Defense of Bullshit

Bullshit Title Generator

By admin on Jun. 28, 2008.

In the same vein as the Bullshit Generator, we’ve found the Bullshit Job Title Generator.

Here are some examples we generated with the tool:

1) Product Tactics Representative

2) Principal Integration Officer

3) Corporate Communications Associate

It seems to me that I’d make a good one of any of these. I mean, how hard can it be to represent product tactics? Or be the highest ranking integrations person? With titles like one of these, you’re sure to get a good raise and a fat bonus!

Sorry, But Sometimes Twitter Is Bullshit!

By admin on Jun. 27, 2008.

Twitter won’t find a bigger fan than me. I use it daily. It is my goto Internet application for answers. In many ways, I think it could be a Google killer. I won’t bore you with the theory I have, nor will I argue the issue with you. Primarily because of this:

For Twitter to make it, it has to become dependable. Google is dependable, Yahoo is dependable, Microsoft is dependable (I can hear the groans, but yes, they are).

I am not a whale, nor am I heavy. Okay, so I might be a bit heavy from a physical perspective, but not from an online perspective. And neither is Scoble. Not in a real sense.

So, yes, Twitter outages are Bullshit! Fix the technical issues guys. You have a brilliant tool, and you have adequate financing. Make it what it should be. What it is striving to be. Enough of the bullshit.

Is Giving 100 Percent Bullshit?

By admin on Jun. 26, 2008.

“He’s giving her 110%.”

“I’m going to give 110%.”

I hear this over and over and every time I do, it drives me nuts!  Is 110% the new 100%?  When will we go to 120%?  Or will it be 200%?

Does this mean that anyone just giving a measly 100% is fucking off?

Now for a quick lesson for those who were sleeping through the 2nd grade:

When we speak in percentages, we are talking relative to what is currently there.  So, you can improve more than 100%, but you cannot give more than 100%.  Once you’ve given 100%, there is no more to give.

For those who aren’t getting it.  Fill a glass with milk.  Now, the milk is 100% of the milk the glass has.  Now pour all of the milk on the floor.  Did you poor out 100% of the milk?  Yes?  Is there another 10% in the glass?  No?  See, you didn’t have 110%.  You had 100%.  And when you give, you can only give 100%.

Now, go clean up the milk.

Bullshit, The Game

By admin on Jun. 25, 2008.

Many of you have played the card game called “Bullshit!” Basically, it is a game in which you are able to practice your ability to bullshit someone without getting caught (or to catch other bullshitters). This is demonstrated by the player making a statement about the cards you’ve discarded and his/her opponent determining if the person is bullshitting them. The objective is to get rid of all of your cards before the other players. To do this, you have to be able to bullshit and sniff out others’ bullshit.

We hope your time on this site helps you in detecting bullshit and as a result, you’ll rule next time you play:

We found two versions of the game:

The basic version by Pagat.com and the drinking version by DupYup.com.

Will We Carry The Baton Carlin Handed Us?

By admin on Jun. 24, 2008.

It was with great sadness that I read today about the passing of comedian George Carlin. He was a hero of mine. Not in the normal sense that one would call someone a hero. No, George Carlin was a hero because he took the risk of being what few would be, an unashamed human being. He called bullshit regularly. And in such a unique way that we all listed, and we learned.

I’d encourage you to visit George Carlin’s Official Website. I’ve bought his boxed set and will enjoy it for years to come!

George Carlin started something and as a result has become an icon. That is more than many of us will ever accomplish in our lives. But, he has passed the baton. It is our time to run with it!

And in closing this tribute of sorts, I’ll leave you with my favorite George Carlin video:

Carlin on YouTube

Pact Or No, 18 Prego Teens Is Bullshit!

By admin on Jun. 23, 2008.

A recent report out of Gloucester, MA (about 30 miles north of Boston) indicated that many girls had formed a pregnancy pact as a means of dealing with their loneliness.  See the AP story - Reports: Teen girls made pact to get pregnant.  Today, Gloucester mayor, Carolyn Kirk held a press conference to address the issue.  The basic take away from that press conference:

1) She couldn’t verify whether there was a pact.

2) The budgetary issues in the school district may be part of the blame.

3) Parents share in the blame.

4) The School District is looking into the matter.

Here is the one she forgot:

The media is also partially to blame for this bullshit.  Jamie Lyn Spears is serving as a role model.   And her pregnancy is celebrated by the press, for example this Us Magazine article.   Her family there for the delivery.  And they drive home in a nice Range Rover.

That’s not real life!  These poor girls are now dealing with a human life that they are not equipped to raise.  Kids raising kids.

When we stop glamorizing the bad stuff, this kind of bullshit stops.  As stands now, we’re headed down a very steep slope.  Heaven help our kids.

Bullshit Generator

By admin on Jun. 23, 2008.

I thought this was rather unique. For those of us who lack the necessary gene to create bullshit and work in an office environment, we now have the Bullshit Generator. This handy tool puts together perfect bullshit phrases that you can use. These ingenious little phrases can be interjected into any office conversation making you seem like one of the guys.

Here are a few examples:

1) optimize value-added deliverables

2) optimize intuitive technologies

3) harness leading-edge partnerships

You really can’t go wrong optimizing and harnessing things. Give it a shot. You might just get yourself a promotion!

Bullshit Research

By admin on Jun. 21, 2008.

No research would be complete without having a proper definition. For that, I would turn to Wiktionary. In Wiktionary, bullshit is defined as:

bullshit (uncountable)

1. (vulgar, slang) Blatantly false statements, generally made with intent to deceive.

   That’s bullshit! I called your office and they said you never came in!

2. (vulgar, slang) A card game in which the object is to bluff about cards laid down and to determine when one’s opponents are bluffing.

   Anyone want to play a few hands of bullshit?

3. (vulgar, slang) An object of frustration and/or disgust.

   “This is bullshit!” — The Monarch

4. (literally) The faeces of a bull.

Obviously, you know about Wikipedia. An online encyclopedia that is updated by regular people with no general requirements for validation of their “expert” status. As a result, there is quite a bit of bullshit in Wikipedia, although there was/is likely just as much in any encyclopedia. Wikipedia has so much content (slang for bullshit) that you should know that there is a Wikipedia entry for Bullshit.

Given the nature of bullshit, I think a better authority is the Uncyclopedia. Their entry for Bullshit is much more entertaining. And they have funny pictures and graphs, like this one:

Very simple, but it does the trick. Bullshit comes from the intersection of Bull and Shit (hint: see the green area).